So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Less talking, more tequila
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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