if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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