did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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