i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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