Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
