Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
you didnt know i had herpes?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
