Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
