I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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