I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
