You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Randomize
