my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
