so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
