just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
