i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
