I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
