It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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