how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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