Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
