you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
