Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
