Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i dont even know how to be here
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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