remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
