you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
