I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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