Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
