lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
