so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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