So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
