If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
