I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
