I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
