peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
where am i from again
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
