you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
