Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
