Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
