so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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