i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
