Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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