Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Randomize
