wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Randomize
