Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
