What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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