I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
