youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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