I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
