No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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