70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
