You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
The air was thick with penises
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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