I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
