just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
