before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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