I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
