wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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