I hate your face
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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