Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Randomize
