one word: firstdatebathroomanal
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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