genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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