I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
