I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
