I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
