I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
