my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
