I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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