fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
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